Net curtain television

(London, England)

Two rather strange new programmes are currently gracing English television screens. First the BBC announced it would hold a competition which looked for the country’s best butcher and then Sky said it would air a programme in which celebrities went bird-watching with another celebrity.

The BBC programme is typical of the national station in that it is bland and lacking in direction. While a competition which promotes winning by merit is evidently better than being famous for nothing, and in spite of the fact that butchery is an honourable and traditional trade which should be preserved and not plastic-wrapped and relegated to the supermarket shelves, making television from people cutting meat is bizarre. Watching it is even more absurd. The Sky programme is also appropriate to the station – banal and lacking in intelligence – but no less ridiculous for its predictability.

Yet these programmes are almost logical in the recent timeline of English television which reveals an unhealthy and voyeuristic obsession in unspectacular activities realised by uninteresting individuals with an emphasis on moralising and crushing criticism. The reality of reality television is that we are not being entertained, we are being controlled more than ever – the television tells us how to clean our dirty houses, how to re-educate our hooligan children, how to dress our unattractive bodies, how to cook, how to drive, what books we should be reading and even how we should have lived had we been around over a hundred years ago. The celebrities that are so cheaply created are happy to take this phenomenon to the next level in order to perpetuate the control.

English people love it but this should not be a surprise. This is simply an extension of every middle-class English person’s petty, mean-spirited desire to spy on other people with the sole intention of catching them out in some way and gaining the all-elusive moral superiority. It is also the logical past-time for a country which contains one security camera for every handful of people, some accompanied by a loudspeaker which tells people how to behave in the street.

English society is its own Big Brother – that’s a character from a novel called 1984, written by a writer called George Orwell – and it is presiding over its own demise. It deserves the governments it votes in, it deserves the television it pays for and above all it deserves to be told home truths. Perhaps they should do it in the form of a reality TV show. They could call it “I have a personality, get me out of here”.